Small Steps

Episode #8 – Challenge Title: Training for YES Outcomes!
Welcome to Small Steps – a Podcast for Growing up Grown Ups.
These Small Steps will be simple, do-able and practical to help you relate to your young child in a healthy way as each of you grows. So hang around for some encouragement as you raise up your little one.
I’m Nanette Johnson, Minister to Preschoolers and their families at First Baptist Church Arlington.

How many times in one day do you hear your child’s favorite Disney song, cartoon show, or preschool song? Have you been known to end the day with that favorite song repeating endlessly in your mind? It can be maddening when these songs get stuck in our heads! Our brain is wired to repeat Messages automatically.

Let’s pause here for a few minutes and think about the constant messages that your children hear and what might be getting stuck on Repeat in their mind.

Why is it that preschoolers love to sing the same song or read the same book or watch the same show over and over and over again? Part of it is – their brain is learning! In these beginning years, your child’s brain is getting wired, connected, and routed in all kinds of ways. One learning method is by repeating motions, stories, rhythms, and expressions from all of those “favorite” books and songs.
So how are you being consistent and intentional with what is being repeated in your home? Consistency is key! And it is exhausting. We’ve acknowledged this fact several times before in previous podcasts. As the parent, you are the One consistent trainer of your children. Training takes repeat instruction, repeat help, repeat guidance, repeat direction. These repeats are just plan exhausting. But the outcome is so exciting! When your child has been successful on their bike without training wheels, or they’ve made it all day without an accident – that’s when the consistent training becomes a victory!
But what about the deeper, inward training. How are you training the character of your child? What focused, consistent training is taking place to instill self-control, kindness, respect, & patience - to name a few qualities? Staying consistent and committed to repeat instructions that builds character takes a different type of discipline. One way to approach Character “training” is by turning your child’s attention to “Yes” behaviors instead of the No behavior. As humans we gravitate to Nos naturally. We need to be Trained towards the Yes!
Let me share some examples of what I mean by “finding the YES Behavior”, as you focus on building inward qualities. Disclaimer: I am speaking in general terms with the understanding that age and maturity play a major role in how you manage these concepts.

Here is the first example:
If your child is becoming easily frustrated and expresses that frustration by hitting, this is a time to focus on the Quality of: Self-control – The action of Hitting a person is the “NO” – but the “YES” might be: hitting a pillow, or marching in a circle, or clapping their hands loudly. A physical action that isn’t hurtful to a person or property may help their brain shift the focus.
Self-Control is a hard, slow lesson, but so very necessary! Finding the right combination of a Positive Action with helpful vocabulary takes practice. You might try:
- Teaching them to Breath Deep, by spreading their arms like Butterfly wings and then release their breath as they slowly let down their wings.
- Or encourage them to do some stretches, for example: Stretch up tall like a tree and then return to a little seed; or reach for the sky and sway like the wind
Until your child matures, it may be that they need you to hold space for them, if they are having trouble with self-control, or settling their emotions.
Simply on Purpose posts positive parenting tips on Instagram. She states it like this: “I can be your calm until you find it.” This is a reassuring, non-judgmental, and safe way to guide your child through these moments of learning how to manage their reactions.
Another example of training for an inner quality comes When your child needs to wait. Waiting is hard and we know Patience is a tough lesson to learn for everyone – Let’s say a child is whining or pouting because it isn’t their turn yet or they need to wait to have dinner before they may have a treat. Whining is a “No” – Waiting calmly is a “YES” behavior. But HOW? Redirecting with some creativity can be tricky. Find a way to bring the happy back. Make it a game by saying, “Find the JOY in your Pocket”. And then suggest simple ideas of what they can do while they wait - color, kick the ball outside, play with a different toy, sing their favorite song, jump and count, sing: If your Happy and You Know it. Prep your child with these “find the Joy in your pocket” ideas by talking about what they like to do by themselves. And then label those activities as their “Joy in my Pocket”. As these are talked about and enjoyed, they will begin to establish a natural way of being patient.
Self-Control, Kindness, and Patience are hard for adults, much less young children. When you realize you are in a Character Building moment, stop and Name the quality or the lesson being learned. Our daughter took a 40 minute drive to get to an appointment with her almost two-year-old son. When she arrived, the office had rescheduled the appointment for an hour-and-a half later. Shifting your schedule with a little one, away from your home, isn’t an easy adjustment. After they finally took care of the appointment, they went to lunch and waited an extra amount of time for their “fast-food” because the restaurant forgot about their order. After a frustrating morning, she finally said out loud, “Well Bubba, it looks like we are getting some lessons in patience today.” There is something about speaking the Training Moments out loud –it helps you focus on what is most important. And it helps model for your child that we should all be learning, no matter your age.

How does this all relate to your family?
What messages are your children receiving that are helping build their inward character? Are you training with more YESes than just repeating, NO, No, NO. How are you re-directing so they are being trained to make the choices themselves one day?
You may realize you need to first re-train yourself, by thinking through ways to find your own YESes. How can you begin to adjust your tendency to quickly find all the negative issues by trying to highlight something positive?

Speaking of finding more YESes - Let’s summarize with 4 Small Steps –
Step 1 – We know the messages our children hear over and over are guiding their character. Training from the inside takes consistent practice with positive messages on repeat.
Step 2 – Become a Trainer of your child’s character by helping them find the YESes. Finding the YES means you redirect with a positive idea or choice. This type of re-directing will eventually lead the child to find the Yeses on their own. That is when the character trait will begin to take root.
Step 3 – Try repeating character-building statements as you redirect - like: “God loves me, so I can be KIND.” “This day is made by God and I can be happy!” “I can find my Joy!” Add in a Happy Dance or High-Fives or an action that also helps them refocus with a positive attitude.
Step 4 – Celebrate! When you observe more positive behaviors that are highlighted by kind actions or patient times, go ahead and play that favorite song on Repeat!

Gill Hasson teaches and writes on personal development issues.
She says, “There simply is no substitute for having your own positive attitude.”
The Good news is – your child is learning! That means YOUR messages are going on repeat in their mind. So parents, let’s make sure those messages are positive and are pointing your children to find their own YESes!

Thanks so much for joining me today.
As you repeat these Small Steps consistently, you will learn more about your child’s design and will be amazed by their growth. Their Growth depends on your Small Steps - as you too are Growing Up!